jinxed

They say money goes to those with money. I think the same applies with luck.  After a dramatic end to last week I was determined to stay cool, calm and relaxed but it seemed that Lady Luck had other plans for me…

Like most women with children, I try to be a good mum. Library visits, countryside walks and trips to the park but what do I get for all my trouble? Kicked in the face - literally.  To be fair the week had started off quite well despite a little work-related stress, but as every one knows ‘All work and no play'...makes me and my little ‘un a pair of miserable farts so this Thursday we went swimming. All was going swimmingly (no pun intended) until 10 minutes before we were due to leave when she said ‘Mummy watch this’ and before I knew it her tiny, bony foot had made full contact with the bridge of my nose.  I didn’t even see it coming; I just saw the floating lights as I cupped my hands over my face.  Within seconds the pool looked like a scene from Jaws and quickly transformed into a scene from E.T as life guards appeared from nowhere, whistles were blown and the pool was on ‘lockdown’.  Despite the immediate (and excruciating) pain I was more upset for my baby girl.  When she saw the blood she was devastated at hurting her poor old Mum. 

The next day felt like I’d been smacked in the face by Mike Tyson and my head was pounding. How I didn’t end up with two black-eyes I’ll never know! I desperately wanted a ‘Quite day in the office’ (if there is such a thing) but my hopes were shattered as I was broached by a colleague en route to my desk.  As we chatted I signalled with a head nod that I needed to stop to fasten my shoe.  Raising my leg onto the step my trouser leg split from the crotch down to the knee on my left leg.  OMG!  I couldn’t stop myself – I let out an almighty shriek which I immediately regretted as it brought additional unwanted attention.  My workmate saw the enormous rip which revealed more flesh than i care to mention and howled with laughter. 
Between the fits of giddiness she managed to wrap my poncho around the back of my legs as I grabbed it from the front.  Together we hobbled to her office, circumnavigating the onlookers, with the promise of reinforced thread and a needle.  It was a humiliating scene; sat in her room in a most unattractive skin coloured thong I preceded to stitch the trouser leg under a canopy of cackling laughter.  I’d like to say this was the most embarrassing day of my life but looking back there has been worse as I’m sure you can imagine…

To rub salt into the wound my husband and I went out Saturday night round Manchester.  Only in the third pub, I had as they say, ‘Broke the seal’ and needed yet another wee.  Stood at the hand-dryer I was eyeing up the novelty ‘Toys’ for sale in the vending machine.  Not wanting to be too adventurous to early I opted for a ‘Wind-up Willy’ at the bargain price of £2. After several attempts at putting in the coins and having them slide back down to me (I should have seen that as a sign!) they eventually stayed in the machine.  Apparently all I had to do was ‘pull the drawer’.  I was pulling for Queen and country but the bugger didn’t move.  I know it was only two quid and I probably should have just walked away and forgot about it but I was the principle of it – the beast had taken my money and I wanted my goods!  So off I marched to see the Landlady to explain how I’d lost my money in that vending machine…all was well with a refund.

I know what you’re thinking ‘She must be making this stuff up’ – I promise you I am not.  It’s always been the same, there is always some disaster lurking in the shadows to strike at any moment.  And would you believe it - my neighbours have foolishly left their fish with us whilst they are away…need I say anymore.

Hugs and kisses

Miss Piggy x