just one of those days

The alarm was ringing in my head like a bad case of tinnitus, I felt this god awful mood sweep over me and I just knew it was going to be one of those days. Mornings in our house are like organised chaos and the only form of communication between the three of us are pre-historic grunts.

I swear I’ve given birth to a turtle. I’ve never known a child be so slow at dressing herself. I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure that 50 minutes to put on 5 items of clothing is a little excessive! It’s the same thing every day…“Honey put your sock on… (10 minutes later…) OK now put the other one on” In fact my husband and I have come to the conclusion that she is to get ready for school on the landing where she can concentrate solely on dressing herself without the distraction of Edward Cullen peering down at her from the Twilight poster. Saying that, I’m no better myself – I’m forever leggin’ it into the car half dressed, make-up bag in hand and of course this morning was no different.

When I heard my husband revving the car engine impatiently I ran into the dressing room, chucked on the latest addition to my shoe collection; black and white, heeled, lace up brogues and took to the stairs two at a time. I was totally amazed that I had made it down in one piece. But it seems that I had spoken too soon - as I went to step out the front door I went flying head first having stood on one of my unfastened laces. In sheer frustration I grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut. HOLY SHIT BALLS! The feeling of dread came over me faster than an orgasm. The keys were still in the door – on the inside!! True to his drama queen roots my husband shot out the car and was rattling the handle in record time and in a moment of surrealism I watched him crouch on his knees, head in hands. And so begins crappy day # (I’ve lost count!)

I’d like to say that the journey to work was a pleasant one, but it wasn’t. My attempt not to look like Coco the clown in my application of make-up en route to work was failing miserably. As I was trying to apply a delicate layer of ‘SHOCKING BLACK’ liquid eyeliner to my eyelid we hit what felt like a crater in the road and the result was more like Alice Cooper in a monsoon. Having nothing to remove the tenacious substance I was left with no option but to try and transform this already hideous look into something more acceptable for the work place and so went from Goth to Jezebel in 0.8 seconds. Why do I bother?

At some point during the day my other half had managed to acquire a length of ‘bendy’ wire. (I really loved that in our hour of need there were so many people willing to help us even if it was just with a suggestion. Who said community spirit was dead?!) So when we arrived home after picking up the little one, out came the wire. Held together with a double layer of cello-tape my other half was desperately struggling to remove it and in my bid to help his frustration (and have him wipe his snotty nose) I rushed over with the car key as a solution to breaking the seal. In my enthusiasm I slice the key rapidly down the clear tape and somehow into my index finger nail ripping it back, down to the flesh. My eyes watered as I watched the watery red fluid drip to the floor. Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

After 15 minutes of hooking, pulling, unhooking and re-hooking I could see we were getting no where. In absolute irritation and weariness I watched as my fella’ raised his leg and kicked out hard at the door and to both our surprise, the door gives quite easy. (This was probably due to the fact that 6 weeks before we moved in to our ‘Casa Bella’ the previous tenant hung himself – but that’s for another blog…) So just another few kicks and two busted locks later, we were in. I dread to think what the neighbours thought.

An hour round trip to the local D.I.Y saw us 50 quid lighter and upon our return my husband wasted no time in hacking the door to pieces to fit the new locks. One lock down and one to go only added insult to injury as the last lock didn’t fit, of course it wouldn’t, why would it? That would be too easy. So, not only did we waste £25 but we also got to sleep with one eye open for free! I’m not good with the dark (my husband will confirm) so any strange noises over the next few nights may result in GBH of his back…with my nails. Sleep tight all you lovely, safe people.

Hugs and kisses

Miss Piggy x