fun day my arse!

As we drive past the school gates the banner screams ‘FUN DAY’ and as my little one clocks the sign she beams “Mum, Mum pleeeeeese can we go”.  I look to my left at Mr Grumpy Gills and witness an eye roll.  Completely ignoring him I mirror her enthusiasm and say “Yes of course darling”. 

As we arrive through the door Daisy fly’s up stairs leaving a trail of uniform behind her and as I dump our bags in the hall she’s back down showcasing her latest get up; red genie pants, an orange t-shirt and gold dolly shoes!  Clearly she has no mirror in her room.  I sigh, “No Daisy you are NOT playing out like that! Get changed NOW”.    I slump on the couch and start to rifle through her rucksack to see how many trees are in tonight, oh just the five, definitely a record (it’s usually more!).  I’ve never known a school send out so much paper work, it’s shocking.  Amongst the letters there’s a bright yellow poster that states ‘Make a scarecrow for our fun day’.  Immediately my creative senses are tingling and the ideas are rushing through my head.  ‘Collect your frame and straw from Reception on Friday’ it reads. OK then, let’s do this!

As Friday arrives its Daisy’s weekend to be with her Dad and I ask him to collect the stand and straw for the scarecrow on my behalf. The following Tuesday when I drop Daisy at her Dad’s for the school run, he’s stood at the front door mouthing “The scarecrow stuff is the car, grab it, the door’s open”.  As I open the door my eyes are on stalks. It’s a bloody 6ft frame with a bin liner full of straw!  Holy shit balls. “Is this a joke” I shout as he laughs at my distorted face.  What? How? When?  I just can’t believe it.  I thought when they said ‘Make a scarecrow’ that it would be a mini one, one that would sit on a table, not one the size of Michael Jordan! My fella comes over to see what all the fuss is about and spies the frame “Oooh no, there is no way that is coming in MY car” and we both look at Daisy’s Dad with pleading eyes.

It’s two days until the fun day and we’ve only just settled on an idea…SpongeBob Scarecrow.  My husband and I are rallying around work for boxes and bubble wrap and during my lunch hour I pop to the Chezzer (Charity shop) where I spend my last £10 on a white shirt, red tie and brown cords.  (I’m seriously starting to worry about the state of my mental health right now).  When we arrive home I start hacking, cutting and cello-taping trying to recreate the image in my head, but it’s just not working. 

Right on cue, in comes Michelangelo – sculpture extraordinaire, “You’re doing it wrong that bit should go here”.  I stop and give him the ‘evils’. He continues “You’re never gonna get that shirt around that box”.  Through my teeth I hiss “If he doesn’t piss off he’s getting the Vulcan death grip” but I know he’s right.

“Give it here, I’ll do it.  I can do it much better than that” he snaps, like he’s doing me favour.

“FINE” I growl.

I watch with a satisfied grin as the boxes get smaller and smaller, the cello-tape is running out and all that stands before us is a wooden frame with two pieces of bubble wrap for arms - we’ve been at it for two hours. “Who can do it better?” I ask smugly

My creative juices have evaporated and my husband looks how I feel; like wilted spinach.

After a short apologetic conversation with our daughter we both fall on the couch with a well deserved brew, failure never felt so good.

Alas fun day is here!  Daisy is bounding about the house with excitement emptying every vessel that clinks with the promise of cash.  She manages to rustle up £7.24 which she is most pleased about and between big J and me we have just over £25.  Plenty or so I thought.  As we arrive at the gates we are accosted by the Head and forced to buy three raffle tickets at £1 each.  As we continue through to the main event Daisy’s eyes become alight as she marvels at the delights in front her.  First she’s on the inflatable death slide at £2.50 for 4 minutes, (yes 4 minutes!) then onto the trampoline at £2.50 for 5 minutes.  The Ferris wheel is next again at £2.50 for 5 minutes and then to the burger van.  Cheeseburger, hot dog and a sausage wrapped in a napkin (Daisy doesn’t like bread) costing £7.50. Then onto the hammer/bell game (£2.50 per go) where the words ‘A prize every time’ are ringing in Daisy’s ears and so we walk away with a piece of off-cut fluff on a stick. So let’s analyse this, we’ve been here 20 minutes and we’ve spent £20.50!  I’m getting the feeling that these lovely tanned Irish folk are RIPPING ME OFF!  Needless to say we came away with not a single penny, I though this was meant to a ‘Fun day’?  I am definitely NOT having fun!

I’m thinking of suing under the Trades Description Act!

Love & kisses

Miss Piggy x