After spending God knows how long fannying about with a chair at this angle, then that angle I was finally happy with the Fung Shui. I sat and admired the view. What this room needs is an over sized rug to set it off nicely I thought as I sipped my well earned brew, and before I’d finished it I’d ordered one. Dang, we women are so efficient…at spending money!
A couple of hours later - ping! The email read ‘Your order has been dispatched and will be with you in a few days’. Yes! I was all clenched teeth and squished face with excitement. A new lush green rug and wooden CD rack (oops forgot to mention that to the hubby) were making their way to Greater Manchester. Two days later at precisely 1.35pm a white van pulls up, yay at last. I opened the door and the chap said “Name”, I responded appropriately with my surname. His eyes rolled and he let out a bewildered sigh? He didn’t even attempt to spell it on the virtual keyboard.
“First name” Perhaps he can’t spell long words I thought.
“Mishka” I said, knowing it was not going to be simple.
“Eh, you what?” He looked mighty confused. Here we go.
“My first name is Mishka” I repeated.
“Where are you from, are you foreign? He said.
“No” I replied sternly and watched as he eyeballed me up and down. It was at that point that I realised I was still in my scruffs from all the cleaning and I probably looked like a refugee. I snatched the electronic signature device, signed and shut the door. Honestly how rude.
I tear open the plastic packaging from the rug and rolled it out on to the carpet. Yes it looked like a mini football pitch but yes, it looked fabulous too!
Next the flat pack CD rack. Oh the joys. After dragging the box (which was as heavy as a dead body) into the kitchen I sliced it open and read the instructions. I mentally recite my mantra – I can do this, I do NOT need a man.
Tools required – screwdriver – check.
Approximate time required to build item – 30 minutes – not bad.
Number of persons required to build item – 1 – thank God.
As Bob the Builder would say “Can we fix it? – Yes we can!”
Eer...I think you’ll find no we can’t. I was 30 minutes in and I still hadn’t actually connected two pieces of wood together. WTF. And what’s all this ‘one person’ shite? I think what they should really write is, ‘one person required if you have two chairs and a table to help hold the sides up and 2 strong men; one to push the sides together, the other to screw the screws’. Ooh don’t get me started on the screwing. I never thought screwing 26 screws into a bit of plywood could be so exhausting. OMG you should have seen the state of me. I looked like I’d run the London marathon, twice, on my knees. Bent over, huffing, puffing, red faced and sweating from places I didn’t even know you could sweat from. My legs were blanched and numb from kneeling and the lack of blood circulating. I know you are envisaging this right now and are probably wondering how I manage to keep a husband! Me too. Flat pack queen I am not – give me a man any day.
Love & kisses
Miss Piggy
Meow! It is a fabulous green rug but u managed not to show us ur handy work of the bookshelf? Was this hidden? Maybe in the dustbin out back due to being covered in ur blood sweat and years:) rug is fabulous an blogs are even better! Muchos love <3 xxx
ReplyDeleteExcellent as always - enjoy your break, I finish on Wednesday!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe perils of the flat-pack... Made even worse when they come with instructions which don't even have words! Still there is the sense of achievement when against the odds something resembling the item is assembled at the end of the day (or week, month...)
ReplyDelete