Bonjour Mon Ami!
Apologies for the epic delay in supplying you with your weekly fix of my calamity lifestyle but I have been sunning myself in France. However, never fear as I am here with a freshly baked batch of blogs…Enjoy!
Can you believe its summer again! Where on earth does the year go? I don’t know about you but the only thing summer means for me is France. I remember the first time my husband and I planned to go on holiday, it was so exciting. He wasn’t talking about your average city break with boutique stores and famous sites but about a 3 week road trip! Such fun! Of course we had the most amazing time and upon our return had the usual conversations of “oh we must go back” and “lets do it again next year” and we did…and the year after that and the year after that and yes you guessed it, the year after that (do I need to go on?) I think someone needs to break it to this delicate flower that there is more than one holiday destination in the world! Perhaps I should have been less enthusiastic?
Anyway, for those of us who are lucky enough to holiday once a year I’m sure you’ll agree it’s not always as glamorous as those adverts make out (especially when you’re camping). They never show how it really is, you know after that 12 hour drive where you step out the car bent double like an O.A.P, withered and parched, hair frazzled and stuck to your scalp with 2lb of make-up on your lap. Then it’s too hot for make-up, too hot for hair-dryers and all that sand and chlorine.
But what about all the pre-holiday prep we lovely ladies have to do; 2 weeks on the sunbed to acclimatise oneself, shaving and waxing, scrubbing and buffing not to mention the moisturising. Is anyone else bored of being a bloody woman? Honestly, men don’t even know they’re born! But it’s the shaving and the waxing part that I’d like to bring to your attention here today.
There’s nothing worse than having to shave ones bits uber regularly whilst on holiday, it’s just a nightmare but I’m certainly not brave enough for waxing. Having had it done once I’ll never do it again and I don’t want to hear any of that that bull about it not hurting. Anyone who says it’s not painful has clearly had their pain receptors removed at birth. So my remaining option would be hair removal cream and guess what? I loved it! I am a little shamed by the fact that I have made it to 32 and have only just discovered this miracle in a tube. So having tried it out on ones furry areas I was most pleased with the results and this got me thinking…
Now I’m sure not many women like to admit this but as we get older we do unfortunately, like men (thought I’d get that in quick!), sprout the odd random hair here and there and I am no different. In particular I’m talking about the dreaded tash! I know I know, it’s a sad affair but yes I can confirm that I too have a little lip fuzz. I’m not talking Magnum P.I here for Gods sake nevertheless it’s totally unwanted and unwelcome and has to go! I don’t want my husband to think he’s kissing a yard brush or worse case scenario – we get stuck together like Velcro! Oh the horror!
I digress. So I thought right, let’s get a little of this new marvel on my top lip and “be gone oh evil fuzz”. Of course it’s a delicate operation and so I just slapped it on and set the timer for 5 minutes. 5 minutes in and I’m analysing the handle bar moustache of pink cream before whipping it off with a wet flannel. I watch as my smile starts to fade, the results weren’t quite what I expected. Yes the fuzz was gone but so were about 12 layers of skin! In place of the handle bar moustache of pink cream was now just a red raw imprint of a handle bar moustache and the tips of my cupids bow (the two points at the top of your top lip) were complete burnt off! Then came the stinging, the burning, the bleeding and the twitching – oh yes twitching! For three days after my top lip twitched like it was having a mini stroke every 15 minutes. I think it’s fair to say I shit myself although thankfully not literally ‘cos that would have only made matters worse. I didn’t know what to do? At first I covered my mouth with Vaseline to relieve the pain then run to tell my fella to have him watch for the twitches just to make sure I wasn’t going mad! But he saw them too, they were so scary. I whipped out my ‘fablet’ (fabulous phone/tablet) and typed “twitching lips”. I won’t even tell you what filth I had to look through before I found the NHS site! It turns out I’d damaged the nerves with the hair removal cream but thankfully they would return to normal within a week. That’s definitely another first and last for me, I think I’ll stick with my tweezers!
Love & kisses
Twiglette Piglette
Mishka!!!
ReplyDeleteYou just kill me!!!!