nightmare on canal street

We’re very fortunate to live in an area that’s plenty green and not too far from the Bridgewater canal. Whilst waiting for this so-called Indian summer, my husband and I took the opportunity to go for a romantic walk while the rain held off and like many of the other O.A.Ps in the area we decided to go for a stroll along the towpath. 

Getting on at The Old Boathouse in Astley, we headed north towards Manchester, tipping ones hat to those we met along the way.  It was a beautiful warm sunny Sunday and the only worries we had were getting nipped by those beastly midgies.   En route to Worsley was delicious.  We were hand in hand, loved up and laughing out loud like a pair of love struck teenagers – the same cannot be said for the return journey.

Having walked an hour and surfaced at The John Gilbert, we stood for a moment and took in the view of the boats fantasising about spending our retirement fund and as the wind picked up we decided to head back and stop off at the pub for a swift half. 

We were approximately half way home when in the distance I spotted a bloke up ahead.  He was swaying from side to side but nevertheless still moving in a forward direction.  Sub-consciously I made a mental note of him and carried on with my conversation.  But as he got progressively slower and we got progressively closer I could see him pulling his coat tight around him and then zipping it up.  Immediately I thought that was a bit weird considering it’s still really warm and then before I’d had chance to process that this guy was acting a little bizarre he quickly unzipped his coat and started flapping the sides open like the wings of a bird.  I stopped and pulled on J’s arm.  He jolted wondering why I had stopped.  I nodded in the direction of the skinhead and explained what I’d just seen saying “I think he’s had a few too many in the midday sun”.  Jase insisted we stay well back, just in case, but no sooner had we took a step forward the chap started to jump up and down on the spot!  We both looked at each nervously.  Clearly ‘Care in the Community’ were short staffed these days.  As my husband pulled me to the edge of the canal where we picked up pebbles to skim across the water, he kept one eye on the nut job.  After the jumping came the shadow boxing.  We watched as he started shouting profanities at invisible enemies and bouncing from left to right punching into the air.  It was apparent that he was more than just drunk. My husband let out a nervous hiss, “FFS” he said, “You can’t even go for an afternoon walk without fearing that you’re gunna get stabbed off some effin druggy chav”.  I could tell he was getting alarmed and to be honest so was I.  In fact, I was weighing up my sinkability in case he came leggin’ it towards us.  I’d be in that canal faster than you can say ‘Geronimo’. Then without warning he bolted!  Sprinting like a gazelle, he was off and within seconds out of sight. 

“OMG that’s not good, there’s a bridge up ahead what if he hides behind it? Jase I’m really scared now” Both Jase and I began speed walking following in his dusty trail and just before the bridge we could see that he had in fact continued up the towpath.  Phew, and thank god I didn’t have Daisy with me!

As we approached the bridge we decided this was our opportunity to cross the canal and hopefully be out of harms way.  At the apex of the bridge we looked out towards him and roared with (nervous) laughter.  This lad was now kickboxing with a young tree that was partially growing out of the canal wall.  The tree was wafting back and forth like a worthy opponent and it was making him angry.  Then all of a sudden he leapt at it which miraculously supported his whole body weight as it rapidly sprang over the canal.  So there he was hanging for dear life on what looked like a very frail branch.  With that we moved to the other side of the canal and agreed if he fell in…he fell in and we were NOT going to help him.   But by the time we were on the towpath opposite him he had unbelievably managed to get off and was now lay amongst the tree, now shredded.  As we proceeded to walk and were now adjacent to him, from the corner of my eye I saw a couple on bikes riding towards him.  I squeezed my husbands hand as we both saw him begin to rise as they slowed down.  I’ve never so felt uneasy.  As they dismounted and helped him to his feet the three of them began walking together.  They continued to walk up the canal with him despite as their effort to ride off were futile as he kept walking in front of them with his arms out.  Finally as we reached our exit on the towpath they were still walking with him towards the pub.  We decided against a pint in favour of life!

I’ve not seen anything in the papers about a killing by the canal so can I only presume they got home safe too but I tell you, that was one hell of a scary canal walk.  What has happened to today’s society when you can’t even go for an afternoon stroll without fearing for your life?

Love & kisses

Twiglette Piglette